Today, Crusader Kings 3 received its first patch, with a huge amount of balancing, UI changes, and bug squashing; being CK3, the patch notes are rather bizarre; Paradox also released statistics for the first month of the game, revealing a number of atrocities.

First, the 1.1 update: CK3 feels like Paradox's most polished and most playtested grand strategy game, but it is incredibly dense, so the team found a lot to adjust. For example, it became more difficult to kidnap other rulers and members of their courts, suggesting that kidnapping royalty had gotten out of hand. Also, it seems that courtiers took their children out too often, making it more likely that the courtiers would stay closer to the child if the child was with them.

The most significant change was the strengthening of the Mongol Empire. The Mongol invasion is something of a cataclysm, but so far they just show up and hang around, hardly scaring anyone; the 1.1 update promises to change that, making the Mongol Empire more aggressive, attacking several times a year. The Mongol Empire's armies would be tougher, and weaker AI kingdoms would be more likely to be subjugated and agree to conquest.

If you feel you need more tools to solve succession and inheritance crises, 1.1 also enhances the ability to swear an oath to someone. This allows them to join the clergy if they agree, and to ask someone to be in a position to inherit a knighthood. Since going to church means giving up rights, it can be used to get a child to give up his or her inheritance rights so that a good child can be placed in the top position. In some cases, they may also have characteristics that would make them want to start a life in the church.

Other notable changes include the formation of the Holy Roman Empire being a simpler and more rewarding task, breaking territorial limits will cause all buildings to cease functioning, wounded knights are less likely to die in battle, incest traits are less likely to be inherited but fertility is more reduced, and AI is now more likely to demand conversion from its vassals.

Now for the big numbers: since CK3 was activated, 40 million children have been born, but the population has been reduced by 18 million successful murder plots. How many characters have died in the war is unknown, but probably quite a few. There are 1.5 million in the Holy War alone.

CK3 allows people to eat people, so naturally players jumped on the cannibalism bandwagon with gusto, devouring 1.5 million prisoners, including the Pope. Only 122,364 prisoners escaped the dungeon and the table.

The most important statistic, of course, is the number of times pets were petted. People spent quality time with their pets 370,305 times. It is surprising that it is less than this, but CK3 requires years between pet care. Quite demanding. Infinite petting is high on my list of desired adjustments.