I have a bit of a weakness for terrible video games: Rogue Warrior and Ride to Hell: Rogue Warrior and Ride to Hell: Retribution are objectively terrible games, and rightly so by critics, but they're also a lot of fun. The goofy dialogue and hilariously junky gameplay have kept me entertained for countless hours. If anyone was going to enjoy Skull Island: Rise of Kong, even if for the wrong reasons, that person should have been me.

The jury is already out on Skull Island: The jury is already out on Skull Island/Rise of Kong. However, it did not even reach the already rock-bottom expectations I had after seeing the trailer. Not only is "Skull Island": Rise of Kong a contender for worst game of 2023, it may be the pure worst game I've ever played.

"Skull Island: Rise of Kong" is a beat 'em up, platforming, exploration-focused adventure in which you control a young Kong (not yet King) as he scours Skull Island in search of his parents' killer. The plot couldn't be more plot-driven. You see Kong's parents get killed, and you kill the killer of Kong's parents. Nothing noteworthy happens between these two points.

But even this basic story setting succeeds in being dysfunctional in its formation. One would be forgiven for thinking that this is a tie-in game to the movie "Kong: Skull Island" or the Netflix animated show "Skull Island," but it is not. This game adaptation is based on the "Skull Island Kaijin" brand, which appears to be another franchise based on the comic book adaptation of the original novel, which also spawned the Disney+ series in development. Yes, there are now two King Kong universes going on simultaneously under the control of separate companies. Trying to get to the bottom of this tangle of licensing and public domain disputes is at least slightly more fun than actually playing this game.

I'll be fair to "Skull Island": I'll start with the positives about "Skull Island: Resurrected Kong. The orchestral music, which is sparsely scattered throughout the game, is quite good. Also, the loading times are very fast; there is no third positive point, which is that the game is very fast.

I completed Skull Island: Rise of Kong in roughly 8 hours, which might give the illusion that the game has 8 hours of content. However, it is by no means an exaggeration to say that 90% of my play time was spent just walking around in circles until I hit the boss battle in each stage.

Instead of providing obvious ways for players to discover where to head, such as mini-maps and quest markers, "Skull Island" features a "Kong": in "Rise of Kong," the "roar" mechanic is introduced instead. When Kong roars, something like fireworks shoot into the sky, supposedly indicating that there is an area below that is worth discovering. The main problem with this mechanic is that the roar does not point in the direction of the final goal of the stage, but only in the direction of something in the immediate vicinity that can be interacted with, be it a collectible or a chance to earn skill points. To make matters worse, the roar mechanic is tied to the same button as the "Primal Rage" buff, so roaring outside of combat will drain the same resource whether you want it to or not.

Exploration is also hampered by the game's shoddy visuals. The one-tone palette and unassuming layout of each map makes it difficult to distinguish any one surface or area from another. You can walk from one end of each map to the other and still think you've already passed the exact same spot five times.

It certainly doesn't help that the game's platform section is annoyingly inaccurate at best and simply broken at worst. Most distances must be cleared by sprint-jumping - which is aggravating to activate in tight spaces thanks to the forced run-up - or by utilizing the incredibly inaccurate "leap" ability. Also, there is a 1 in 5 chance that climbing the vines will completely bug you and cause Kong to freeze in place, forcing you to reset to the last autosave and possibly redo the entire platform section.

There are so many bugs throughout that it is almost unplayable in its current state. Clashes seem to be an afterthought on this map. In fights where I had to clear out all the enemies in a zone before I could proceed, enemies would often spawn outside the zone I was trapped in. Environmental textures would randomly pop up and disappear. Finishing moves were rarely triggered even if you were right next to the enemy. Enemy parry seemed to work only about 50% of the time. The camera had a habit of aiming directly at Kong's feet when it locked on to an enemy. Even just trying to load a save would likely cause the game to freeze unrecoverably.

Combat was basically just clicking the left mouse button until all the enemies were dead, and none of the bosses were mechanically fun or interesting. The inclusion of features such as lock-on, parry, and dodge rolls hints at a "Souls"-like influence, but outside of a few boss fights, these mechanics are completely useless, and the only effective strategy is usually to repeat the same one-button combos endlessly. It is perhaps fortunate that the enemies scattered throughout the environment are very passive and can be completely avoided by simply walking past them. Enemies seem to play little more than a padding role in making the world seem less sterile.

It is clear that this game was rushed to completion under less than ideal circumstances. I hesitate to even call the final product functional, let alone enjoyable. In fact, The Verge reports that publisher GameMill Entertainment gave developer IguanaBee only one year to develop the game and failed to properly support and finance the project, making it near impossible. We do not claim that the game had hidden potential that could have been unlocked with more time. The concept is so tasteless that it is hard to see how anything short of a complete overhaul could have saved it from being a tedious brawler. But at least it could have been saved from becoming the buggiest, most messy, and most widely mocked boring brawler in 2023.