I am having a long overdue conversation with my ex. He should have been more honest about the breakup than I could have been at the time. So now we are finally having a dialogue and moving past it in a mature way. As I say this, I am slam dunking a basketball in his face. That, and the mockery of thirst to get him to lust after me so that he will be vulnerable to my attacks. Am I a fool?

This is a typical scene from "Thirsty Suitors" and I want to say that I love this game, but I fear that my "love" will be diagnosed as nothing more than a desperate maniac. I warn you, this game has a lot to say about toxic relationships.

You are Jara, recovering from a nasty breakup and heading back to the hometown you dramatically abandoned years ago. It's a story-driven RPG with a little "Tony Hawk's Pro Skater," a little "Persona 5," and a sprinkling of "Cooking Mama." But Jara's love life certainly is. A conga line of resentful ex-lovers stand in your way. Back in town, one finally makes his move and forces you into a turn-based battle. Try not to be distracted by his new abs.

If you've ever played a turn-based RPG, you know what you're getting into. There is a flimsy basic attack with zero cost, a series of skills and summons that consume MP, and a few taunts that can exploit weaknesses. We've seen "rage" taunts in many games, but what about taunts that make the enemy thirsty or emotionally devastated? I can't help but chuckle when I give them a "heartbroken" taunt and watch my ex-girlfriend start crying melodramatically. I guess it's proof that they are much better off without me.

The most stylish turn-based RPG since "Persona 5" and the most fun since "Yakuza 7" more than makes up for the lack of depth. You taunt your enemies and choose attacks that hit harder. Wash, wash, repeat. It's nice that MP is charged when you use a garbage basic attack (as all RPGs should be), but it's not a renewal of the RPG form.

"Thirsty Suitors" doesn't try to do that; at 7 hours long, it's about 1% of "Persona 5" (not a criticism), so it doesn't need that much deep combat. Physical fighting is only half the battle anyway. The fight is always punctuated by verbal confrontations, with your ex-lover calling you out on your past horrible behavior. The dialogue options are either to admit that you were at fault, to double down on your stubborn self-righteousness, or to say something incredibly dumb and tactless. It is always the hardest option to resist. Shut the "what" up: ...... Yes, it is.

This tough talk is greatly aided by the wonderful and often laugh-out-loud funny script of The Thirsty Suitors. The exchanges can be hilarious and mean-spirited, but there is compassion at the heart of them, and there are moments when the sympathetic spotlight is on the entire flawed cast. Jara's wonderful father is a particular highlight. 'When we got together in front of the TV after a particularly hard day,' he said. 'Wouldn't you like a documentary on the Cold War?'

There are optional fights all over town with the awful suitors sent by the meddling grandmother to serenade them. But Jara's former lovers are the ones against whom this game will pull out all the stops. One is too cowardly to confront you directly, and his pet cat is a ferocious lion who will try to tear you to shreds. Diya "exudes punk rock dominatrix energy" and fights a trio of crystal-like back-up dancers. Somehow, she's not even the game's biggest visual delight. None of the gay panic gags of "Persona" are present; they are all brilliant inventions, like the heart-exposing palaces of "Persona 5. And each battle concludes with them making up and deciding on their future relationship.

These conclusions are not always as neat as I would like. I sometimes felt as if I had won the battle when the conversation was in full swing because I had raised my level too much by doing the side quests. Nevertheless, it was a minor complaint, and nothing stopped me from punching out until I had heard all the dialogue. The fight is surreal and cartoonish anyway. The bloodless, performative punch-ups feel more like a musical number than an actual fight. The game's interest lies in how Jara changes relationships with broken people. The film is willing to tackle some heavy themes (such as a character being ostracized by homophobic parents), but they are all handled with sensitivity and compassion. Truly carefully scripted.

You can even make meals to help you in battle. This consists of a fairly simple mini-game, and is far more enjoyable as you cook under the watchful eye of Jara's mother. Cooking Mama's eyes occasionally flare up when you mess up, but Mama is no match for this nightmarish head chef. She is delightfully petulant and harsh in her praise no matter how well you cook. You can try harder mini-games to impress her (why just wash your hands when you can super wash them?) or you can risk praising her in the hopes of getting some in return. She described my cooking as "I've seen worse," and I felt like I had just finished an Elden Ring blindfolded. Jara gradually gained confidence and began to confront the demons in the kitchen. Rather than us, she did.

Skateboarding, yes, there's skateboarding. While not a novel twist, it is perfectly arcade-like fun. Unicycles are a great way to get around town, and there's a skate park that offers a variety of challenges. All of them are great enough, but they are pretty throwaway. It would be nice to be able to unlock almost every character in the game as a skater.

It's little touches like this that make Thirsty Suitors special. The tutorial tips are given by Uncle Hinty. Every night, when my dad falls asleep on the couch watching TV, he gently gives me a piggyback ride to my bedroom. The game has some of the best LGBTQ+ representation I've seen in gaming and isn't afraid to dig deep into the unique challenges, awkward drama, and outrageous behavior that makes being a part of this community both exhausting and awesome. Hope you don't fall in love with the cast yourself. Jara may have been afraid to return to her hometown, but I for one am glad she made the journey.