One of the worst games ever made, The Plumber Won't Wear a Tie, is being remastered. This crime against nature was announced as part of Limited Run's recent showcase, which included a remaster of the GEX trilogy and a spiritual successor to the Zelda CD-i. [I've never played The Plumber Doesn't Wear a Tie, so I'll have to rely on my colleagues' opinions on this one. Nevertheless, I dove into Marigold to see what this fully motion-captured thing was all about.

Here is an excerpt from the back of the box: "Greed, sex, spirituality, daydreamy chases, shameful proposals, nuns, humor, true love, jaded love, tense action, comedy, bad guys, good guys, heroes, spine-tingling suspense, sexy beauties, damsels in distress, And a Hollywood ending!" . This is quite a lot to take in.

But what "The Plumber Doesn't Wear a Tie" actually appears to be is a godforsaken relic from the days when you could buy VHS tapes in brown bags, meant to be a "full motion video" game like 1992's "Night Trap." PC Gamer's Steven Messner wrote in 2017, the game itself, and the "game" does a lot of the heavy lifting here.

Just to be sure, I examined the gameplay footage to get the full plumber's experience. That's right, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties begins with Jane, played by Gene Bassone, known as Hollywood in the wrestling world, warning me to keep an eye on my blunders: "This isn't the first time you've made a mistake with the opposite sex. I trust it won't be."

And then there's this.

Select "Gimmie full story!" and a literal slideshow begins, with a voice-over that is so toothless it will break your teeth. I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Stephen. He also notes that John Smith gave it "a 3 out of 100 in the July 1994 issue of PC Gamer," and although I don't have that issue handy, I'm inclined to credit that rating.

The remaster itself promises so many additional features that you can shake the plunger. It removes the crust from the terribly outdated photographic graphics and christens it "prettier" with an ominous asterisk. Also included is an exclusive interview with the cast, creators, and James Rolfe (aka "The Angry Video Game Nerd"), who reviewed the game in 2009.

The interviews included in the trailer describe the game as a "grease fire," which one interviewer admits is "too much praise." Despite the horror, the game, like many remnants of its era, is an Internet darling. Rolf's review has been viewed over 9.2 million times on Youtube, giving it the trash status of cult classics like Tommy Wiseau's "Room."

Richard Cobbett wrote about Plumbers Don't Wear Ties in his Crapshoot column about the game's bizarre scenes: "This is a magical place where things like this can happen and develop a life beyond anyone's wildest dreams, as well as and not so bad about the inevitable doom and destruction.

Limited Run seems to be on a mission to revive the most obscure and cursed craft of the 90s, and I honestly agree. Their reliance on nostalgia is like relying on acid to burn through steel, and I'm excited to experience a piece of nostalgic gaming culture. But I can't promise that I'll be able to watch "The Plumber Doesn't Wear a Tie" forever. I'll just admire it from afar. Just wear protective gear.