Ah, the time has finally come when we've been waiting for The Elder Scrolls 6 (opens in new tab) to finally arrive. All my favorites are here: master chief John 117, the immortal golem of destruction empowered by the Duke (opens in new tab), Accuracy International's Arctic Warfare Magnum, British post-punk legend and Sisters of Mercy frontman Andrew Eldritch. Elder Scrolls 6 may be mistaken.

Courtesy of Nexus modder stupidcatgirl (opens in new tab), The Elder Scrolls 6 presents a bold vision of the long-awaited open-world RPG. stupidcatgirl's previous Morrowind mod include Morrowind 2 (opens in new tab), the beloved sequel to Morrowind, and Morrowind 666 (opens in new tab), which seems to be the Morrowind of Hell, and elements of those projects can also be seen in The Elder Scrolls 6 The Elder Scrolls 6 also has elements of those projects.

I uninstalled the mod that completely removes Vvardenfell (opens in new tab), reloaded it into the source port of OpenMW, and tried The Elder Scrolls 6 with a novice Breton mage and a shiny Colovian Fur Helm. When I first left the Balmorra Mage Guild, I found myself trapped in the geometry of the world. That's ok, it's my fault. I reloaded and exited through the top door to a new Xbox-themed utopia, Dwemora.

Microsoft stormtroopers patrol the streets, neon signs advertise Xbox and Game Pass, and a giant black and green Numidium towers over the center of town with a giant Duke replacing the "Heart of Lorcan." Honestly, Sony should use this as an exhibit as they continue to spar with Microsoft in the EU over the ActiBlizz deal.

One thing I really want to shout about is that stupidcatgirl is enshrining a great classic RPG here, with a big Black Isle Studios sign on Dwemora, mixed with an absolute cacophony of custom soundtracks from the mod, I detected journal update sound effects for Planescape: Torment and Vampire colon The Masquerade em dash Bloodlines (opens in new tab). Cue Leo DeCaprio pointing at the screen.

Descending into everyone's favorite metaphysical realm of eternal torment at the Oblivion Gate, I found what looked like a crappy version of Planescape: the highlight was Caius, a memechadized, jock-esque immortal in full Daedric armor Cosades, a "Hall of Sinners" full of nude NPCs parroting what looks like an actual negative user review of Morrowind, from Elder Scrolls YouTuber Micky D (opens in new tab) to Deadwood's Hermaeus Mora's library, which has books poking fun at a variety of characters, from Elder Scrolls YouTuber Micky D (opens in new tab) to Deadwood showrunner David Milch.

I really liked Sheogorath's representation as a "laughably random" Outs early character, but then he was murdered by his nonsense alter ego, Jiggalag, here represented by a giant in modified Sauronian armor.

At this point I was knocked back to the Balmorra Mage Guild, so I turned on the cheat and just kept touring. I had to painstakingly empty my inventory because I accidentally hit "take all" on a real world firearm that weighed thousands of pounds and was rooted to the spot with encumbrance. Dwemora and Oblivion were highlights for me, but I appreciated the aforementioned Eldritch and its sensitive portrayal of British nuance and culture, featuring a store called "Gregg's," which apparently people over there really like.

Frankly, I don't have enough space or time to document all the shitposting that goes on here. I don't know if I've ever been so committed to something in my life. Morrowind's mod is a really weird and wonderful rabbit hole, filled with everything from genuine stabs at content expansion and activation (opens in new tab) to, well, McDonald's (opens in new tab). It may not be the actual "Elder Scrolls 6," but it's hard to imagine "The Elder Scrolls 6" having anything close to the inexplicability, impenetrability, and outsider-art appeal of "The Elder Scrolls 6."