Well, here's an article that future acquaintances will find when they Google my name for the rest of their lives. Remember the Witcher 3 update for next-gen consoles (opens in new tab) that mirrored and polished the 2015 game, finally adding fast-travel points to the crow's nest and integrating a number of popular mods into the base game?" Well, one of those mods is the game of the, ah, feminine monsters, seems to have added awfully detailed genitalia (Thanks[?]). Kotaku (opens in new tab)).

Well, the original The Witcher 3 was reasonably risqué. The war that ravaged Temeria may have killed thousands, but it did not shatter anyone's Woodstock spirit. Every character greeted Geralt hilariously with a parade of delicacy, but what's odd about this update is the characters it applies to and how perfectly groomed they all are. [Kotaku's fearless research revealed that the pubic areas of four characters in particular have been thoroughly modeled: the clones of Crookback Bogg (in human form, praise be), and the game's Brooksai (open in new tab), the hapless public in dark basements and dimly lit forests Vampires devouring civilians in dark basements and dingy forests. I think I may have found the cause of the performance bug (opens in new tab) that this update brought.

Unlike the Barbie doll state of 2015 (opens in new tab), last year's update came equipped with perfectly coiffed Mappa Tassies (opens in new tab) and generally (don't click this one either) what accompanies them (opens in new tab). As ageless and diabolical as they are, I wonder if they take the time to groom themselves once in a while.

This is a rather odd move that should put CDPR executives on trial, but it seems to apply only to these few female monsters. I have not personally confirmed this, but it seems that all male vampires in this game stubbornly keep their lower bodies unadorned.

It is only a theory, but I have to imagine that this unexpected new element is due to one of the many mods that CDPR has incorporated into "The Witcher 3" as part of its next-generation console update. Like every game that has ever existed, The Witcher 3 has a number of nudity mods for its characters, and it is likely that one of the beautification mods added by CDPR smuggled in a pelvic payload. when contacted by Kotaku, CDPR responded, "We are investigating and will provide more information shortly. We will provide more information soon."

Personally, I am of the bold opinion that vaginas are a real thing in this world and that their appearance in a video game is not particularly scandalous. If there is a negative element to this delightful tale, it is that this kind of vulgar subject matter seems to be mostly (if not exclusively) applied to the female cast of the game in order to tickle the fancy of the supposed heterosexual male audience. Enough is enough, CDPR, get a grip. Now that you've got all this processing power, let the pigs off the leash, too.