No dungeon is darker, no place is farther from the light of the Empire gods. Yes, capitalism. And so the adventuring heroes of Dungeons & Dragons plunge into the world of Monopoly: Dungeons & Dragons (opens in a new tab), available for purchase now.

And so the fine folks at Usapoly continue their wacky quest, crusade, and mad drunken rampage across all of pop culture to turn all manner of things into Monopoly. (Recent examples include Hello Kitty, South Park, Dragon Ball Super, and the TV drama Yellowstone.) To some extent, the D&D mash-up makes sense.

Here is the description:

"In MONOPOLY: Dungeons & Dragons, answer the call to capture monsters from throughout the Forgotten Realms! The game allows you to buy and sell iconic and deadly monsters, both traditional and modern, like the Beholder, the Storm Giant, and the infamous Demogorgon, to nerf your competition.

Overall, to me, this is a very ill-advised idea. How on earth are you going to buy and trade daemon lords? They could build a hotel in Tarasque, rent it out for birthday parties, whatever. As usual, the other things they come up with as trade dress are pretty cute. For example, the railroad is a replacement for the dungeon. The adventurer figures are all cast pewter types, wonderfully appropriate given the history of miniatures in tabletop role-playing.

If this drivel sounds like a broken record, it's because I was similarly frustrated when Warhammer 40,000 Monopoly came out in 2018. To be clear, it's not all bad. Despite my distaste for the many licensed versions of this game, which are literally not the worst, but not much better, I have a great deal of respect for Usaopoly, or what The Op produces.

This abomination against taste and decency should be available for purchase everywhere. (open in new tab)