Education is one of the most important ways to stop the spread of disease, but Taiwan's Centers for Disease Control doesn't just want to teach about common diseases. They want you to feel sexually attracted to them, and in 2018, the Taiwan Center for Disease Control began working with several illustrators to transform well-known diseases like Lyme disease, hepatitis, and yes, Cobito 19, into stylish animated wifoo. Even though the project has been in the works for several years, it wasn't until this morning that I learned about it. And now that I've made the absurdity of the sexy anime disease known to everyone on the PC Gamer editorial board, I have only one request: get me in the game, damn it.

To date, the Taiwan CDC has released 25 of these characters, all of which are very nice; Resetera has also included translations of each disease's personality profile. For example, Acute Hepatitis is a boy band with a lip and poop emoji pin, one of the most common ways to contract hepatitis. Syphilis' costume, on the other hand, pays homage to the poem that gave the disease its name: a shepherd named Syphilis was stricken with the disease by the god Apollo. According to her official biography, she also likes to fall in love with classical music, and if you ever leave her, she will "find a chance to stab you in the back." Neat. My personal favorite is viral gastroenteritis (stomach flu). There is no way a bug that causes vomiting and diarrhea could be allowed to be that cool.

I would deal with some of these diseases at the risk of shredding the last vestige of dignity I have. I want to be a visual novel companion, meet them, talk to them, flirt with them, fall in love with them, or become their best friend. I want to play Hades, but instead of Greek gods, it's just a bunch of hot diseases.

This urge makes me seriously doubt that the Taiwan CDC was thinking properly when they decided to "let's make serious diseases fuckable." But what's done is done: all the ingredients are there, someone just needs to take the time to put them together into a game.

If you want to see all 25 diseases, there's a gallery below, and if you go to this Resetera thread, you can see translated profiles of most of the diseases. Don't forget to clear your browser history so you don't have to explain them to anyone.